“You won’t ever catch me wearing an oven mitt, because what’s wrong with a regular condom? If I’m wearing an oven mitt,… — Jarod Kintz Too late Copy Share Image
“Women, if I understood them half as well as I understand fractions, I'd have said a third. But I don't have time… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“The fields of science are full of crop circles that can't yet be explained by scientific means.” — Jarod Kintz Science Copy Share Image
“I want to go to Sing Sing prison. I’ll bet they’ve got a good chorus.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I watch baseball on TV like my cat watches the window. Somebody open the blinds so we can see better!” — Jarod Kintz Baseball Copy Share Image
“If love were seaweed, I’d ask myself one question: Are you the sort of person who’d swim through it, or would you… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’d love to work with an Asian guy named Wu Hu, because just saying his name would get me all pumped up… — Jarod Kintz Saying hi Copy Share Image
“I’ve got better things to think about than thoughtlessness.” — Jarod Kintz Better things Copy Share Image
“Once the bar gets set too high, simply lower it so you can keep on hitting your goals. You could get a… — Jarod Kintz Goals Copy Share Image
“I’ve decided I like making love on rainy days. Ever since she asked me to wear a raincoat.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Me and my girlfriend aren’t a good fit. Her clothes are much too small for me.” — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“A hotel is more than bricks and blankets. A hotel is a welcoming atmosphere, and a place to engage in a business… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to be the best man at your wedding. I have bigger goals than that! I want to be the… — Jarod Kintz Best man Copy Share Image
“I’m an open book—an open book I’m still writing and editing. My book is a romance novel, sort of like The Secret.” — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“I boasted that I bested the best, and I did. I beat my clone. In my dream, of course, but who cares?… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“Show me how to lactate, and I’ll be the best mother a father could be.” — Jarod Kintz Parenting Copy Share Image
“My goal is to do the most with the least—get the maximum output with the minimum input.” — Jarod Kintz Goals Copy Share Image
“I spend all my time trying to capture the moment. And when I do, I'll interrogate and torture it.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“The smell of coffee was enough to wake up my neighbors. In a display of gratitude, they complained about my music being… — Jarod Kintz Gratitude Copy Share Image
“The question is not how much work are you willing to put in, but what are you willing to take out? Success… — Jarod Kintz Sacrifice Copy Share Image
“I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My routine is comforting, like a comforter. But a blanket could easily be used to replace my routine, because a comforter is… — Jarod Kintz Habits Copy Share Image
“I want to make slow, passionate rush hour to a pack of masturbation.” — Jarod Kintz Rush hour Copy Share Image
“My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
