“Our romance lasted a few months. I was so deflated the day I lost my air pump and couldn’t blow love into… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been a cat guy. Every night as I go to sleep, I have… — Jarod Kintz Every night Copy Share Image
“For being so ugly, I think God should reward me handsomely. He should give me the tender hands of a lover—and not… — Jarod Kintz God Copy Share Image
“The task may be simple for me, but if I make it look too easy, you won’t appreciate it as much as… — Jarod Kintz Too easy Copy Share Image
“Will I be subtly influenced by what my clone says, or by my own subconscious? Will my thoughts really be mine, or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To ensure I stay single, I bought a singlewide bed. Then I placed it by my favorite urinal at the truck stop.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Cupid, that chubby cherub love dispenser, is dead. But before he died, he appointed me his apprentice in love. I loved Cupid,… — Jarod Kintz Good times Copy Share Image
“Herman is not her man. But neither am I, and I love her more than any man besides Herman. But she doesn’t… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“There’s nothing I like better than a beautiful sunset. Except maybe a gorgeous sunrise. And a naked woman painted pink and orange… — Jarod Kintz Beauty Copy Share Image
“Just got done giving my cat a haircut and eating dinner. The two events are unrelated, though I might cough up a… — Jarod Kintz Eating dinner Copy Share Image
“Candy is full of taste. But so is shit, because taste is full of smell.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I came from a broken home. My bedroom window was cracked.” — Jarod Kintz Broken home Copy Share Image
“In exchange for my silence, I want a box of quiet. Empty—and full. That’s also how I like my morning coffee at night.” — Jarod Kintz Morning coffee Copy Share Image
“Love is like building a wall with two bricks and a ton of wind. Obviously you and your lover are bricks. ” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I'm not afraid of death, I'm just not sure there is life after the honeymoon.” — Jarod Kintz Afraid of death Copy Share Image
“The sign said don’t do it, so naturally I did it. Signs are always saying stuff in a silent way. Writing is… — Jarod Kintz Writing Copy Share Image
“He died a suspicious death. But only because he was a politician, and everything he did was suspicious.” — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“There’s cat feces in my Batman costume, and all the lines in my screenplay were snorted by the neighborhood cokehead. Ah, but… — Jarod Kintz Movie Copy Share Image
“I am prophetic. I predicted it would snow tomorrow yesterday, and sure enough today it snowed. True, I’ve been saying it will… — Jarod Kintz Every day Copy Share Image
“My motto: I’ll do it today, or tomorrow, or the next day, or not.” — Jarod Kintz Next day Copy Share Image
“Man should have a solid foundation under his feet, and a roof over his mouth.” — Jarod Kintz Solid foundation Copy Share Image
