“It’s not uncommon for me to be early to meetings by as much as a half a gallon. I guess the reason… — Jarod Kintz Concept of time Copy Share Image
“Security shouldn’t enforce, they should massage situations, without laying a hand on a guest.” — Jarod Kintz Cybersecurity Copy Share Image
“Met a guy named Bill once. We met in Williamsburg and discussed the Bill of Rights and duck’s beaks.” — Jarod Kintz Bill of rights Copy Share Image
“I’m beside myself with excitement over my new clone standing next to me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Mr. Williquosi, I didn’t mean to stab you in your gums with your fork. I was merely trying to spoon-feed you information.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I try to put myself in another man’s shoes. Or a woman’s, if she has large enough feet.” — Jarod Kintz Another man Copy Share Image
“Too bad my car key won’t start my house. And to answer your unasked question, no you can’t use my toaster like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I plan on leaving my mark on this world, in ink, with a pen spill that’ll make all the oil spills combined… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“Being a parent is a gift, one which most men unselfishly allow women to keep all to themselves.” — Jarod Kintz Parenting Copy Share Image
“Love is a good thing. Not starving to death is also a good thing. Being in love with a man named Mr.… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“Do they make chin straps with knives attached? If they do, I need one. You can never have too much safety—especially when… — Jarod Kintz Falling in love Copy Share Image
“My ball sack is like a bubblegum bubble, only with slightly less bubblegum flavor, and a little more fun to chew on.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Tomorrow’s Pancake Friday, despite the fact that it’s Monday, and I don’t eat breakfast.” — Jarod Kintz Eat breakfast Copy Share Image
“I don’t know where you’re going, or even why you’re going, but I sure am glad that you are going. Be sure… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I always wear gloves when I wash my hands. That’s also how I make love, and if you buy now I’ll throw… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I mopped up my moped off the street, and drove home on the unicycle below my handlebar mustache, while I thought about… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If I meant to miss, and I made it, then I missed my miss. So I missed and I made it, rather… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“But they soon found out that Robert just wasn’t personable, which isn’t surprising since Robert isn’t a person. While Robert was always… — Jarod Kintz Red light Copy Share Image
“On our first date, you should wear a maternity dress, because I’m going to try to impregnate you.” — Jarod Kintz First date Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to teach men how to dance, by learning balance. But a blanket could also teach men how… — Jarod Kintz Motivation Copy Share Image
“When I’m not eating, sleeping, working, or doing a hundred other things, I’m making love. I need to arrange my priorities. Sleeping… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“To blame me in the past is a very future me thing to do. But what am I supposed to do, scapegoat… — Jarod Kintz Absurd Copy Share Image
“If you make guns illegal, the only people who will have them will be criminals—and the government, which of course is the… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
