“My name is Sam (my name is Am), and I am my own fan. I’m a clone of Jarod Kintz, and he… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m with the Homework Police. Recruitment is up 20% since kids stopped learning about fractions.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Before I grab your ass, I’ll take off my gloves. They’re cutting off circulation to my thighs.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to be a part of your world. Or, if that’s too much to ask, I’d accept being a part of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My last name should be “Why,” because it is my destiny to question everything, including how to change my last name to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had to stop selling stick-figure portraits of women at the beach, after too many customers complained I was making them look… — Jarod Kintz Painting Copy Share Image
The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a… — Jarod Kintz Good morning Copy Share Image
“Mustaches are not only fashion statements, but they’re useful for tickling vaginas.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes writing is easy. Other times it’s as hard as trying to eat a whole whale, after the whale has just eaten… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“I put Chap Stick on before I read, because my lips move along with my eyes. Maybe when I’m a stronger reader,… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to read the body language that people’s homes present.” — Jarod Kintz Body language Copy Share Image
“Some men want to go out with a bang. Personally, I'd rather not die from sex. I mean, what will my wife… — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“If there are two clones, one good and one evil, I can’t kill on sight alone. It’s the same with love. Some… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to confuse and disorient. Think of it not as a bed adornment, but as a really big… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The reason I make things so complicated is simple: Because I like being the uncimplicator.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m so old school I’m like a one-room schoolhouse—with no bathroom. I always keep it classy.” — Jarod Kintz Old school Copy Share Image
“I watch my feet as I walk along. Left, right, left, right, why is everything about politics?” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to crush the dreams of the little guy. Especially if that little guy’s dreams are roach like… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“Book: Ten Steps to Asexuality and Financial Freedom, by Lonely Path” — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“Somebody needs to pet me, and I guess that somebody is me. My cat is busy sleeping.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is useful, and my love is for sale. (Batteries not included).” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Writing all day every day is good, but it’s not good enough. You need to have your clone ghostwriting for you too.” — Jarod Kintz Every day Copy Share Image
“Lead is to lead as follow is to follow. And lead is to lead as a type of metal is to a… — Jarod Kintz Leadership Copy Share Image
“Pepperoni looks so much like nipples that I can’t eat pizza without getting horny.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
