“If a building were shaped like a body, I’d imagine you’d exit out the rear.” — Jarod Kintz Exit Copy Share Image
“I put the “org” in organic. I also put it in orgasm and orgy.” — Jarod Kintz Organic Copy Share Image
“I’m going to go up on my way down. I’m just a sideways sort of person.” — Jarod Kintz Going Copy Share Image
“You can't put a price tag on human life. But if you could, I'd demand coupons for clones.” — Jarod Kintz Clones Copy Share Image
“There are 26 characters in the alphabet, and what characters they are! Especially Q.” — Jarod Kintz Alphabet Copy Share Image
“I am nine fifteen feet tall. I mean nine fifteen time tall. I measure height with my watch.” — Jarod Kintz Tall Copy Share Image
“I didn’t win a championship, but I did pop some champagne bottles—and a few locks. Why bother training when you can just… — Jarod Kintz Fitness Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like yellow sneezes hello every time love walks like a slinky down the stairs. Who used my… — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“In life or death situations, my father has only been there once for me. So I'd like to tell him thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Conception Copy Share Image
“My niece just turned one. I gave her a birthday card that read, "If you can read this, Happy Birthday!” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“I saw an old guy sleeping, and I thought he was dead. But I kept checking his pockets for money, because it… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“Every time I see a train, I think of robbing it. Like a Wild West cowboy, I’m out to steal and collect… — Jarod Kintz Fitness Copy Share Image
“People think I’m all gloom and doom all the time. I’m not. I also have bad days where I’m pessimistic.” — Jarod Kintz Bad day Copy Share Image
“The best salespeople are not salespeople, they’re people who’ve not only bought the product, but also bought into the idea of the… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“Losing a child must be the second most painful thing ever. The most painful thing would be to lose the child, find… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to represent no, and a blanket could be used to represent yes. If I ask you, “Will… — Jarod Kintz Blanket Copy Share Image
“I’d give up three days just to get three hours with the woman I love. Of course this instinct is the reason… — Jarod Kintz Investing Copy Share Image
“I want to open a broken marriage repair shop. I’m not a counselor or psychologist, but I am a fan of the… — Jarod Kintz Broken marriage Copy Share Image
“A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the… — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“Surrealist Tip # 7: Sleep through numbers 1-6. Write down your dreams while you sleep, sleep as fast as you can, but… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were sitting in a dentist’s chair, and I was cleaning your teeth. You wondered if… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I’m a gopher. If I see something I want, I go for it, Orafoura said . And I’m a shepherd. If I see… — Jarod Kintz Shepherd Sheep Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to adopt your ideas, I want to give birth to them.” — Jarod Kintz Adopt Copy Share Image
“I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.” — Jarod Kintz Ice cube Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as wrapping paper, to give the gift of a cat. ” — Jarod Kintz Blanket Copy Share Image
“Love is an art. Mine could fill a museum the size of your heart.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“An exercise in unknowing is not the same as not knowing or forgetting.” — Jarod Kintz Fitness Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to wipe your ass with. You know, if you already live someplace shitty. ” — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“I've eaten cat food before. Of course, the menu listed it as "Chicken Lo Mein.” — Jarod Kintz Cat food Copy Share Image
“They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for lovers.” — Jarod Kintz Mashed potatoes Copy Share Image
“What’s the point of being the first to arrive? Nobody is there to witness your commitment.” — Jarod Kintz Arrive Copy Share Image
“I like to schedule dentist appointments for March 32, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day.” — Jarod Kintz April fool Copy Share Image
“A brick is a banana. No it isn’t. Still, I think you should eat it anyway. ” — Jarod Kintz Banana Copy Share Image
“I’ll tell you, I go absolutely bananas for phallic-shaped fruit.” — Jarod Kintz Bananas Copy Share Image
“With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.” — Jarod Kintz Anal Copy Share Image
“If I bottled ginger ale, it’d be made from the finest red hair available.” — Jarod Kintz Hair Copy Share Image
“I can’t do my job, if you don’t do yours. I also can’t do my job, so can you do mine too?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
