“For me, the badlands are entirely too naughty. The whole time I was in South Dakota I felt like I needed a… — Jarod Kintz South dakota Copy Share Image
“I talked so much about my product that I sold myself. I bought the very thing I was selling, and I think… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Too many abused beers have suffered in the name of networking. Let us find a better way to mix torture and business.” — Jarod Kintz Better way Copy Share Image
“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only… — Jarod Kintz Old people Copy Share Image
“On March 5th, I'm having my birthday celebration. The party starts at midnight, and ends at 12:01 AM. Don't be late!” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“Instead of a motorcycle, why not ride a custom-engineered unicorn? The unicorn could be genetically grown like corn.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d love to work with an Asian guy named Wu Hu, because just saying his name would get me all pumped up… — Jarod Kintz Saying hi Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You asked how long I’ve loved you, and I replied, “About 5,280 feet.” It was true.… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“I think the most romantic letter you ever gave me was “W,” because it’s a couple of soul mate “V”s. Or maybe… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Three people are interviewing for a job. The first thinks his odds are 33.3 percent of landing the job. The second guy,… — Jarod Kintz Luck Copy Share Image
“Put the number seven in front of a mirror and what do you have? If you answered 77, then perhaps you talk… — Jarod Kintz Mathematics Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a symbol for the kind of life I’m trying to build. The question now is, what… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I live 30 times faster and more intensely than most people, so every year is a whole generation for me. I’d like… — Jarod Kintz Fast food Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I had converted a beached whale into a tour bus, and I asked you to be… — Jarod Kintz Dead people Copy Share Image
“My body had some sort of reaction to my erection, and the only thing I could think to do was vigorously rub… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I keep butter in my underwear, because it’s like a meat locker down there. Can I interest you in two rolls of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the egg salad sandwich of love. The only problem is, I’m in the mood for a tuna fish sandwich—hold the… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am intergenerational. I am not defined by my birthday like I am a generic blade in a generational clump of grass. ” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“Poison Ivy tastes like an itch when you have it on your tongue, and I’d say that love tastes the same, only… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The internet is a knowledge omelet. Sometimes I just want the purity of scrambled eggs that only a book can provide.” — Jarod Kintz Internet Copy Share Image
“In society’s daylight, black people are invisible. Black people are also invisible at night. Hooray for flashlights!” — Jarod Kintz Black people Copy Share Image
“A miracle every day would cease to be miraculous—it would be mundane. Though even a boring sunset is still glorious.” — Jarod Kintz Every day Copy Share Image
“Don’t tell me to watch my step, because I’m like a staircase—so can you be more specific? Which step should I watch?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Shaving a sheep is considered foreplay in some countries. But I don’t consider foreplay at all, not even before sex.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Are you OK with pissing people off to succeed? Because that’s what will happen. Success pisses off the unsuccessful.” — Jarod Kintz Success Copy Share Image
“My mashed potatoes come with a masturbation sound you pour on top, like gravy. I got the recipe from Pee Wee Herman.” — Jarod Kintz Mashed potatoes Copy Share Image
“I shaved my mustache off the asphalt, like a tire’s skid mark, looped it around itself, and rode it like a unicycle.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I admire the Stanley Cup. I’ll bet winning it could provide enough clean water for half of Africa (the middle half).” — Jarod Kintz Clean water Copy Share Image
“On a unicycle, my tire will tire before I do. I ride for charity. I’m trying to raise enough money to buy… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“I want to sit on the sofa, eating potato chips, while wearing one of those vibrating ab belts and getting a workout.” — Jarod Kintz Fitness Copy Share Image
“I used to be a bumper sticker kind of writer. Now I’m more developed, and my writing often takes up whole bumpers.… — Jarod Kintz Writing Copy Share Image
“Maybe is such a gray response. It is the raincloud of answers, and if you say it too much I won’t Noah… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Last night I stayed up late talking about tomorrow, and today I regret it because I was way off (by about 24 hours).” — Jarod Kintz Last night Copy Share Image
“I think I just inhaled a cloud shaped like the ghost of my grandpa, and all I have to say is grandma… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a faucet, I’d not only continue, but I’d increase the frequency with which I wash my penis in the… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Yes, life could be better. But it could also be worse. Don’t believe me? Allow me introduce you to my mother-in-law.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Moral codes are like the ocean. Some people live by them, while others, such as myself, would rather live by a lake.” — Jarod Kintz Programming Copy Share Image
