“A brick could be used as disbelief. I can tell you believe me, so why don’t you go ahead and hold this… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On the card I wrote, “Thinking of you,” and the picture was of my erect penis. I hope my local congressman got… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I come bearing gifts in the form of junk food. You’re welcome. I would have brought some drugs, but I’m not a… — Jarod Kintz Junk food Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used at the end of meetings, to wrap things up—sort of like a big office burrito of productivity. ” — Jarod Kintz Productivity Copy Share Image
“If I weren’t married, and I didn’t have a girlfriend, I’d ask that girl out. But what can I do? I’m an… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would rather save a few seconds than a few cents. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m saving them in your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reveal hidden mysteries. Quick, get naked and get under, and I will illuminate the night. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My new book is going well. It’s practically writing itself! Actually, what I mean is I’m not writing it, my clone is.” — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“I don’t understand people who eat Chinese food with chopsticks when the restaurant also offers silverware. As a tool, chopsticks are inferior… — Jarod Kintz Chinese food Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to ascertain the truth. And then logically, a non-brick could be used to detect the lie. What… — Jarod Kintz Truth Copy Share Image
“My birthday is coming up. I was born on March 5th, 1982. Humans have come a long way since then—nearly 30 years,… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“My love is like a crumbly cookie. It’s very hard to give all of it to just one person. Try as I… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I walk everywhere wearing orange pants, an orange vest, and a yellow bicycle helmet with a bumper supporting a political candidate I… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“Tonight when she came down to the front desk she was wearing neon green hot pants and a pink leopard print jacket.… — Jarod Kintz Front desk Copy Share Image
“A great gift would be a cheap pen, mounted on a wooden plaque, with the accompanying label that reads, “This is the… — Jarod Kintz History Copy Share Image
“If you supplied me a tissue, I wouldn’t need it because I wouldn’t feel like crying. But if you withhold it, you’ll… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to locate the precise coordinates of the Masons. Just follow the bricks—and follow the money. ” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“My girlfriend is as reasonable as Lady Justice, and just as blindfolded. She’s tied up in the trunk this very moment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It doesn’t matter how I arrive at my conclusions, so long as I reach my destination safe and sound. Especially sound.” — Jarod Kintz Safe and sound Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a period on a really large sentence. A blanket could be used as a really large… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a warm topping on a hamburger, sort of like processed cheese, only tastier and healthier. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The bands of color in a rainbow remind me of my band, Bands of Color. We’re not very musical, but we sure… — Jarod Kintz Music making Copy Share Image
“A brick can and should be used as a telephone, because that way I won’t feel so bummed out that she never… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I feel like this. Sometimes I feel like that. I wish I could be more specific, but that’s how I feel—vague.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With cars I like newer models, but with people I like older models. Why aren’t there more walkers on fashion runways?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When bananas blush, they turn brown, not red. And when tomatoes blush, you’ve probably said something really naughty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He said he didn’t think he is good, but you can tell that secretly he thinks he’s good. And he’s right—he’s not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I need to call it a night. But only because I don’t know what else to call it. What’s in between evening… — Jarod Kintz Good morning Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to assuage your sense that life isn't real. Hold it in your hands and say, This is… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“The first man to successfully clone himself deserves to pat himself on the back. And then give himself a back massage.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a doorstop. But why bother? To promote an open-door policy, I had all the walls knocked… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I went to a nude beach. No naked people were around, but there was plenty of exposed flesh in the teeth of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to bring as much love into the world as I can. Where am I bringing it from? I’m going to… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Ryan Lilly is a Seth Godin fan, and that says something. Being a Helen Keller fan speaks volumes about me as a… — Jarod Kintz Seth Godin Copy Share Image
“Thor once took an IQ test, and he was scoring so high that the referees took away his ability to shoot three… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The judge said he was going to throw the book at me. I hoped it was an ebook in the cloud, and… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“My penis is looooooong. Wait, I think I left off an O. Probably better that way, so I can use it as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to confuse and disorient. Think of it not as a bed adornment, but as a really big… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, go all out and write in Lucifer on… — Jarod Kintz Next time Copy Share Image
“-I don’t want you to do anything. -Well then I won’t do anything. -Thank you. -Doing nothing, it’s the least I can… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
