People who can't be witty exert themselves to be devout and affectionate. — George Eliot Copy Share Image
I feel like I share a great relationship with my audience where they trust my judgment and choice of films and sense… — Vir Das Copy Share Image
I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you look up the definition of stand-up comedy, it's funny on purpose. A little bit of pressure there. It's basically acting.… — Michael Waltrip Copy Share Image
“It was sort of like Macbeth , thought Fat Charlie, an hour later; in fact, if the witches in Macbeth had been… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
Dumb ass people who think it's funny to make fun of someone who don't talk much like really just remember the quite… — Any Copy Share Image
(speaking about ron being made a prefect) You're a prefect? Oh Ronnie! That's everyone in the family! What are Fred and I?… — JK Rowling Copy Share Image
“For women, shoes are the most important. Good shoes take you good places.” — Seo Min Hyun Copy Share Image
Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“Does the king know you're back?" "Nope! I'm trying to think of a properly dramatic way to inform him. Perhaps a hundred… — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
“I don't know whether it was the general anxiety of being on a date (albeit one with my would-be date sitting five… — John Green Copy Share Image
INTELLIGENCE is like underwear...It is important that you have it but not necessary that you show it off. — Nate Copy Share Image
My goal is really to just make people laugh with integrity, like, with something that I still find funny. — Ali Wong Copy Share Image
Nothing's a better cure for writer's block than to eat ice cream right out of the carton. — Don Roff Copy Share Image
“Every second counts when you are about to embark on a journey of lovemaking” — misheck cicero Copy Share Image
“If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
“Well, anyway, we walked around for a while, looking at the animals, and suddenly he asked me to marry him outside the… — P. G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Always behave like a duck: keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but paddle like the devil underneath. — Jacob Braude Copy Share Image
A lot of times, comedy writers will go for the gay joke, and I've been vocal about saying, 'Go for the smart… — Michael Arden Copy Share Image
“He tugged on an imaginary rope,somewhere on the level of his ear, and then jerked his neck to one side, tongue protruding,… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
“He smiled ostentatiously to show himself reasonable and nice. "I'm not saying that to be cruel and insulting," he continued with cruel… — Joseph Heller Copy Share Image
“Uh… not sure buying the entire store for that boy is good, Chace. If he’s living on the street, the rest of… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
“A man walked across the moors from Razorback to Lancre town without seeing a single marshlight, head-less dog, strolling tree, ghostly coach… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“Lesly: I don't think you're insane. Jackie-O: You don't? Lesly: No. Jackie-O: You don't think I'm an eensie weensie bit insane? Lesly:… — Wendy Macleod Copy Share Image
Look at the limes in this drink, how they float. That's good news. Next time I'm on a boat, and it capsizes,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Laughter sets your entire soul ablaze with happy endorphins and shifts your vibrations.” — Sanjo Jendayi Copy Share Image
“Suddenly the door opened and in stomped a giant reeking of the river, and before anyone knew what was happening, he had… — Bohumil Hrabal Copy Share Image
Sarah Silverman. She's the reason I do comedy. Her DNC speech was my favorite thing I ever heard. Sitting down with her… — Nikki Glaser Copy Share Image
I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show… — Rachael Ray Copy Share Image
One does not laugh because one is happy; one is happy because one laughs. — Mireille Guiliano Copy Share Image
Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on -… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
There are many comics around who don't really have a feel for comedy. They can say outrageous things, have clever thoughts, and… — Ronnie Corbett Copy Share Image
“But I didn't even make you work for it. I just jumped you like a cat in heat.” — Toni Aleo Copy Share Image
“The verse is supposed to get you hard so the chorus can suck you off.” — M. Thomas Gammarino Copy Share Image
“Language-lovers know that there is a word for every fear. Are you afraid of wine? Then you have oenophobia. Tremulous about train… — Steven Pinker Copy Share Image
