If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way". — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
“I know I'm not funny. I mean, let's face it, I'm no Groucho Marx. But if you're a guy, and you're watching… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I have no religion. But culturally I can't escape it; I'm very Jewish. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like,… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I don't want to be a facilitator for other funny people. It doesn't seem smart for me to be in a comedy… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece... — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
It's funny how people will think I'm being sarcastic a lot and joking. So I'll say, "I like your dress," and they'll… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
My growing up years, we watched 'Happy Days,' every night. I don't know what was reruns and what was new. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
People can't help what topics cut them deep. It all depends on who's inferring - and what the contexts of their lives are at… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
In your twenties, I think you should have all of the sex that you're inclined to have, as long as you're safe about it.… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Someone on Twitter sent me a page from a textbook. It had a picture of a football player next to a picture of me.… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
It fills me with a weird rage to wear shoes that make me not able to walk easily or run if I had to.… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
“If you’ve ever heard that song by Beyoncé, “Single Ladies,” I am one of the people she’s singing about. I have to be, because… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
If I were somebody else looking at my character, I'd be like, "She's beautiful." I'm practicing. I'm not succeeding. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
