Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Dont confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Skiing: I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
No One Diets on Thanksgiving. What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
