I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself? — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
