To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If I had my life to live over again, I would have waxed less and listened more. ... I would have cried… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don't necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself? — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It is upsetting to many parents that their teen-agers introduce them to their friends as encyclopedia salesmen who are just passing through… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I think it's time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don't have room to carry their own… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My mother phones daily to ask, "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no, she adds, "So, if you're… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Hello there. I'm out social climbing, but if you leave your name and number and if you're anybody, I'll get back to… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
