My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer:… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
