I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My mother won't admit it, but I've always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she'll never forgive herself for giving… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it... live it...and never give it back.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If I had my life to live over again, I would have waxed less and listened more. ... I would have cried… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I have finally mastered what to do with the second tennis ball. Having small hands, I was becoming terribly self-conscious about keeping… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
