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Car Quotes by Erma Bombeck

14 Car quotes by Erma Bombeck

All Car quotes Erma Bombeck’s page

Erma Bombeck’s take on the automobile is both sharp and affectionate, turning mundane commutes into moments of humor. These fourteen snippets capture her signature voice—playful, observant, and always ready to point out the absurdities of life behind the wheel.

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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

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It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.

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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license…

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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

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Never have more children than you have car windows.

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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.

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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but…

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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the…

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I learned the importance of a man's chair early in life. I learned that he may love several wives, embrace several cars,…

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He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn't afraid…

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I have finally mastered what to do with the second tennis ball. Having small hands, I was becoming terribly self-conscious about keeping…

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Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

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More by Erma Bombeck

Cats invented self-esteem.

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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

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The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.

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The term 'working mother' is redundant.

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To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at…

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I used everything you gave me.

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Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!

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The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.

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God created man, but I could do better.

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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?

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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.

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Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.…

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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.

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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent…

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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.

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