“Karate, I get a real kick out of it. I would get a kick out of coffee, but I’ve got better ways… — Jarod Kintz Better way Copy Share Image
“The past is always more innocent, because it exists peacefully in the unreachable and unchangeable parts of the imagination.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“It’s a fact that when it comes to dating, men are all visual. Well, except blind men.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I could grow out a beard, but my employer won’t let me. Also, Mother Nature won’t let me either. She’s… — Jarod Kintz Mother nature Copy Share Image
“Knowing where you come from is just as important as knowing who you aren’t. You aren’t your own clone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a makeshift trampoline, to attract midgets to your picnic. The great thing about dining with dwarves,… — Jarod Kintz Little people Copy Share Image
“I always misspell the word “unique,” just to keep it youneeq.” — Jarod Kintz Language Copy Share Image
“My beard has started growing a beard of its own, and I’m stuck having to take it for a walk.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I carry a shower curtain folded up neatly in my wallet, because you never know when you’ll never know.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Keep your wife happy by living in a slightly nicer house than your neighbor. And you can do this by living in… — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“I bought a bag of chips at the store, and the cashier asked if I wanted a bag. I said, No thanks.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I went on a blind date—with a descendent of Helen Keller.” — Jarod Kintz Helen Keller Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to protect your heart from heartbreak. Keep your heart warm, because if your heart grows as cold… — Jarod Kintz Protect your heart Copy Share Image
“When I’m 42, I’ll have 21 years of experience being 21. I’ll be doubly prepared to handle myself in a bar, most… — Jarod Kintz Years of experience Copy Share Image
“Trying to put a baby back in the womb is like trying to convert a butterfly into a caterpillar, but still I’ve… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I was recently diagnosed with dyslexia and restless leg syndrome. The doctor arrived at this prognosis after my arm wouldn't stop shaking.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are days when I just want to throw in the towel. Those are the difficult days, the days where I take… — Jarod Kintz Difficult days Copy Share Image
“The scent of your asshole smells like childhood memories. I mean it would, if I grew up in New Jersey.” — Jarod Kintz Childhood memories Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like yellow sneezes hello every time love walks like a slinky down the stairs. Who used my… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If flip flops were oppressive, I wouldn't wear any. I'd go around showing of my bare feet of freedom. And I'd tell… — Jarod Kintz Bare feet Copy Share Image
“I think you’re funny, and the toilet sounds like a soda can opening when it flushes. It’s a diet soda, so it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
