“If I don’t clean off the bug corpses that are petrified on my bumper for looks, then what do I do it… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“Sometimes looking like you know is better than actually knowing. People respect you, and defer to you, yet you don’t have the… — Jarod Kintz Knowledge Copy Share Image
“Love is an art. Mine could fill a museum the size of your heart.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I want eyebrows shaped like pinball swatters, and to accompany that I’ll get a Hindu dot on my forehead.” — Jarod Kintz Hinduism Copy Share Image
“We’re distant cousins. He’s my first cousin, but he’s 5,000 miles away. And he doesn’t talk much.” — Jarod Kintz Cousin Copy Share Image
“What I know about being in love can be summed up in three words: Huh, who me?” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“There was fried chicken in the litter box, so I helped myself and took a shit. I am a cat lover and… — Jarod Kintz Cat love Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to sell two-legged tables to one-legged men. This very same blanket could also teach them some Latin—specifically… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to replace a flat tire. After all, you want to replace like with like, and what’s more… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Where it was last, is the first place I’ll look, not the last place. Oh, if only love were that logical and… — Jarod Kintz First place Copy Share Image
“I’m sad that I’m leaving, but I’m happy that I’m going. The thing is, I am in love, and I’m going to… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I went to visit my grandma. I meant to stay for two days, but ended up staying two months. (So I overslept… — Jarod Kintz Two months Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a distraction. Wave it to the right, while you loot to the left. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wash my hands twice in the bathroom—once before I touch my penis, and once again after I rinse off my hands… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have an 8th grade education. Of course, I also have a bachelor’s degree.” — Jarod Kintz Education Copy Share Image
“Nothing in this world feels quite like freedom, except for freedom. And nothing in the world tastes quite like freedom, except for… — Jarod Kintz Bald eagle Copy Share Image
I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“Rain, it always reminds me of water. And you know how much I love things that remind me of other things. Say,… — Jarod Kintz Rain Copy Share Image
“In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted,… — Jarod Kintz High school Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to build a future with me. Come, let’s start a life together. ” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“To most people, if you’re muttering, you might as well be speaking a foreign language. I should know, because in college I… — Jarod Kintz Foreign language Copy Share Image
“We all want somebody to share our life and love with. But if there are an odd number of people on the… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Obviousism—I would give you a definition, but the definition would only be an example of the word.” — Jarod Kintz Language Copy Share Image
