“4:00 am—it’s not too early to drink wine, it’s too late. Too late by seven minutes. ” — Jarod Kintz Late Copy Share Image
“If you listen to the rain long enough, you’ll eventually soak up the wisdom.” — Jarod Kintz Rain Copy Share Image
“Writer’s block, I just drove around it four times. All my favorite writers live there.” — Jarod Kintz Drove Copy Share Image
“I make believe like asexuals make love—alone, with cardboard tubes.” — Jarod Kintz Make believe Copy Share Image
“I spilled semen everywhere. No wonder the world is overpopulated. ” — Jarod Kintz Semen Copy Share Image
“Who art thou, Art? Do you make art the way I make love—with a paintbrush?” — Jarod Kintz Artist Copy Share Image
“If I can delay your action with my inaction, then I’ll gladly do nothing for the good of the no good.” — Jarod Kintz Delay Copy Share Image
“I want to leave a legacy. I'll leave him in the trunk, tied up, at a parking garage on the campus of… — Jarod Kintz Legacy Copy Share Image
“Socialism provides safety in numbers. And that’s OK, if you don’t mind trading your name—your identity and individualism—for a number.” — Jarod Kintz Capitalism Copy Share Image
“I’m not going to catch any fish in the forest using a steak knife as bait. Still, I’ve got to try.” — Jarod Kintz Bait Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket could be used to replace the words yes and no. But which is witch? You’ll have to… — Jarod Kintz Witch Copy Share Image
“I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have… — Jarod Kintz Spring Copy Share Image
“I want to go to the Olympics. But I don’t want to train, so who’s going to buy me a ticket? I… — Jarod Kintz Fitness Copy Share Image
“Thank goodness women aren’t as superficial as men. Where would a guy like me be if all women cared about were looks?… — Jarod Kintz Botox Copy Share Image
“People used to tell me that when I smile I really warm up the room. Well, the moment someone told me about… — Jarod Kintz Climate Copy Share Image
“In middle school I used to draw letters of the alphabet out of contorted torsos, bodies, arms, legs. A rigid torso with… — Jarod Kintz Alphabet Copy Share Image
“I laced up my sneakers, but not with the intention to sneak around. I was just going to skulk for a bit,… — Jarod Kintz Green Thumb Copy Share Image
“I’m like a ventriloquist chasing his own voice. I can whisper and shout at the same time, and this is the closest… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“How many ways can I say “I love you”? I could say it in another language, like French. I could say it… — Jarod Kintz Best friend Copy Share Image
“I love in all directions, except southeast. Don’t ask me why, because I already told you where. Also, don’t ask me who,… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“If you give me a gift, it’d be insulting to pay you, because I’d be denying you the gift of giving. So… — Jarod Kintz Gift Copy Share Image
“What is life without death? That's like asking what is peanut butter without jelly? Or a baseball game on TV and changing… — Jarod Kintz Ball game Copy Share Image
“I’m building a building from scratch, and I’m making it out of a giant itch.” — Jarod Kintz Building Copy Share Image
“You shit sheep shapes, and I shit wolves as brown as bark. It’s all politics.” — Jarod Kintz Shit Wolves Copy Share Image
“I love her like two cheese sticks without cheese. Bread and circuses.” — Jarod Kintz Like Cheese Copy Share Image
“It’s interesting to watch someone think. Glass skulls would be cool.” — Jarod Kintz Skulls Copy Share Image
“I’m beside myself with excitement over my new clone standing next to me.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“You don’t have to visit an asylum to see insanity. All you have to do is visit Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Asylum Copy Share Image
“Don’t lift my words without permission. It might lead to a hernia.” — Jarod Kintz Permission Copy Share Image
“Between was and is you’ll find me—but most of the time you’ll only find me in pictures.” — Jarod Kintz Photography Copy Share Image
“If you won’t turn your back to face me, then I won’t even bother stabbing you.” — Jarod Kintz Stabbing Copy Share Image
“Teamwork: I love the idea of all for one—especially if that one is me.” — Jarod Kintz Idea Copy Share Image
“I’m more terrified of failure than rejection—so I’ll no my way to YES!” — Jarod Kintz Failure Copy Share Image
“My stomach is growling. Like a wolf. I need to eat a sheep.” — Jarod Kintz Growling Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a flotation device, if you’re Michael Phelps and don’t need it. ” — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“It’s not if, but when I’ll if on you that matters. How does Tuesday at noon sound?” — Jarod Kintz Noon Copy Share Image
