“I found a pristine lake, undisturbed by man. So, of course I had to clang a few pots and piss in the… — Jarod Kintz Lake Copy Share Image
“It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile, which make sense because yesterday I frowned so much I ended… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am on pace to break his record. He’s only got one, so after that I’m going to smash all his CDs—starting… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my dream I was a seal, and I made love to a seagull. Then I got eaten by a shark, because… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I don’t put my name and address on the return address section of an envelope. I simply write “Surprise!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I walk like I have tornadoes for legs. Let us make love like Kansas.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“There’s only one way you can appreciate me in the bedroom—call my wife and get permission for me.” — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used instead of a blindfold when kidnapping someone. And the trunk of your car could be rented out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll make a goofy face at you. It’s just another stunning example of my ability to communicate “I love you” without actually… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my legs get blown off in war, I’d like to have them replaced with a coffee table. Half man/half furniture, I’ll… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be divided into four even parts and given to three equal people. I’d be an ideal politician, because I… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“As a thinker, and most writers would consider themselves thinkers, your competition is not only the whole world, but it’s also the… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a distress symbol. You’ll know I’m in danger and in need of rescue, because I’ll be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to trap and contain love. I’ve tried other stuff, like a Ziploc bag, a can of tuna,… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I think the best time to launch an assault on a city would be not only in the middle of the night,… — Jarod Kintz Best time Copy Share Image
“It is possible to be in two dreams at once. If I dream about you, and you are asleep at the time,… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I’d rather jump in a tank with a tiger shark than make love to his right hand. I don’t care if he… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I want to be like air. Invisible, yet everybody needs me in their life.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I like saying things that are both repetitive and repetitive. But I never repeat an I love you. I repeat: I never… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Cats are always there when you need them, asleep, telling you with their body language that they don’t need you.” — Jarod Kintz Body language Copy Share Image
“My bed’s as big as a medium-sized apartment in New York City. And my erection is equal to a small.” — Jarod Kintz New york city Copy Share Image
