The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“He is in heaven now, and happy; or if not there, he bides in hell and is content; for in that place… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
New Year's Day - Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“There’s no such thing as an uninteresting life, such a thing is an impossibility. Beneath the dullest exterior, there is a drama,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Jabalites .... They worship no god; and if we in goodness of heart do send a missionary to show them the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don't know who… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“He had been drunk over in town, and laid in the gutter all night, and he was a sight to look at.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“In another moment he was flying down the street with his pail and a tingling rear, Tom was whitewashing with vigor, and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, and the frog generally dies as a result. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
