I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“There’s no such thing as an uninteresting life, such a thing is an impossibility. Beneath the dullest exterior, there is a drama,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“He is in heaven now, and happy; or if not there, he bides in hell and is content; for in that place… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He had had much experience of physicians, and said, the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." [ Mark Twain, a Biography ]” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The choir always tittered and whispered all through service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I had been to school most all the time, and could spell, and read, and write just a little, and could say… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Wherever he found his speech growing too modern -- which was about every sentence or two -- he ladled in a few… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth--ready to shout for any cause that will tickle… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don't know who… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“And now the minister prayed. A good, generous prayer it was, and went into details: it pleaded for the church, and the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“TOM!" No answer. "TOM!" No answer. "What's gone with that boy, I wonder? You TOM!" No answer. The old lady pulled her… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it!.. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The inability to forget is far more devastating than the inability to remember. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
![“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." [ Mark Twain, a Biography ]” quote by Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/8a8/mark-twain-22_humor_under-certain-circumstances-profanity-pr_1607424.jpg)
