“The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and gilded forms… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Occasionally, merely for the pleasure of being cruel, we put unoffending Frenchmen on the rack with questions framed in the incomprehensible jargon… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“A humorous treatment of the rigid uniformitarian view came from Mark Twain. Although the shortening of the Mississippi River he referred to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." [ Mark Twain, a Biography ]” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The true and lasting genius of humour does not drag you thus to boxes labelled 'pathos,' 'humour,' and show you all the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“TOM!" No answer. "TOM!" No answer. "What's gone with that boy, I wonder? You TOM!" No answer. The old lady pulled her… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Wherever he found his speech growing too modern -- which was about every sentence or two -- he ladled in a few… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The inability to forget is far more devastating than the inability to remember. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Nature has no originality--I mean, no large ability in the matter of inventing new things, new ideas, new stage effects. She has… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Mark Twain describes how his friend Ralph Keeler introduced him at the start of a lecture: " 'I don't know anything about… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I once heard a grouty northern invalid say that a coconut tree might be poetical, possibly it was; but it looked like… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Lying is universal - we all do it. Therefore, the wise thing is for us diligently to train ourselves to lie thoughtfully,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Eh bien! I no see not that that frog has nothing of better than another.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
