If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“His hair was short and parted accurately in the middle, and he had all the look of an American person who would… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“He had been drunk over in town, and laid in the gutter all night, and he was a sight to look at.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“There have been daring people in the world who claimed that Fenimore Cooper could write English, but they are all dead now.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
New Year's Day - Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
What is it that strikes a spark of humor from a man? It is the effort to throw off, to fight back… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Nature has no originality--I mean, no large ability in the matter of inventing new things, new ideas, new stage effects. She has… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, and the frog generally dies as a result. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“In another moment he was flying down the street with his pail and a tingling rear, Tom was whitewashing with vigor, and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I once heard a grouty northern invalid say that a coconut tree might be poetical, possibly it was; but it looked like… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Only laughter can blow [a colossal humbug] to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and gilded forms… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture…He takes upon himself… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
![“Only laughter can blow [a colossal humbug] to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” quote by Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/6c3/mark-twain-22_assault_only-laughter-can-blow-a-colossal-humbug_2875586.jpg)
