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Humor Quote by Mark Twain

“He had been drunk over in town, and laid in the gutter all night, and he was a sight to look at. A body would a thought he was Adam, he was just all mud.” quote by Mark Twain — Download Open image

““He had been drunk over in town, and laid in the gutter all night, and he was a sight to look at. A body would a thought he was Adam, he was just all mud.””

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Humor

More by Mark Twain

Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.

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If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could…

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“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before him rose the black night of Space, like a wall. His mighty bulk towered rugged and mountain-like into the zenith, and His divine head blazed there like a distant sun. At His feet stood three colossal…

It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it hundreds of times.

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“It is never wrong to do the right thing.”

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A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually…

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There is nothing training can't cannot do. Nothing is above its reach.

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I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get…

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The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get…

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“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to the building up of a vast array of wonderful church edifices, and starving half her citizens to accomplish it. She is today one vast museum of magnificence and misery. All the churches in an ordinary American…

Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already.

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Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either…

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More Humor quotes

'Mad TV' is one of my most favorite shows of all time and is a huge part of my obsession with sketch comedy.

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When you step out and do a song in a musical, the easier thing to do is make it funny. But when those transitions…

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Joking about violence is not funny.

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In my opinion, sexiness comes down to three things: chemistry, sense of humor, and treatment of waitstaff at restaurants.

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“...I haven't guessed where your shirt is from yet Bane, but I don't think it'll matter once it's underwater!' Tristan looked at Bane questioningly. Bane rolled his eyes and stage whispered: 'She asked why I cared so much about getting her dirty, teary face all my new shirt earlier, and asked where I got it from anyway. I said: 'Guess',…

“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”

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“Not wise, perhaps, to be rude to the Pope's favorite son, but my viper tongue still required a fool now and then on which…

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In the future, I would like to do more films with contemporary themes. Perhaps comedy, which is something I have done in theater but…

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“[S]ometimes, when you are a food person, the possible irrelevance of what you are doing doesn’t cross your mind until it’s too late. (Once, for example, when I was just starting out in the food business, I was hired by the caper people to develop a lot of recipes using capers, and it was weeks of tossing capers into just…

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

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“I only have two words to say More or Less”

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“ “Do Southerners laugh at different things than Northerners do? Yes, I say--Northerners.” Roy Blount, Jr., Roy Blount’s Book of Southern Humor”

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