Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If it turns out that President Barack Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable, totalitarian mullahs in the… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Either the president of the United States blackmailed the head of the CIA, forcing him to agree with the administration's lie or… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I've always run by the hierarchy of 'If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Everything is presented in as devious a manner as it could possibly be presented. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The press is our immune system. If it overreacts to everything, we eventually get sicker. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
