You've confused a war on your religion with not always getting everything you want. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
They may want to insist that corporations are people but corporations are certainly not Americans. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F-- you. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Why do I have to follow CNN on Twitter? If I want to follow CNN, I can follow them on CNN. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It's not going to be like, 'I really want… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
People don't understand that we're not warriors in their cause. We're a group of people that really feel that they want to… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Nineteen people flew into the towers. It seems hard for me to imagine that we could go to war enough to make… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Isn't that what you really want in a jean? The ability to kick people in the face in them? I don't wanna… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Most Americans don't live their lives solely as Democrats or Republicans or conservatives or liberals. Most Americans live their lives that are… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You talk about the Pro-Life movement being one of the great shames of our nation. I think, if you want number two,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
But the main thing I don't want to be is un-funny. That's really the mandate. Just whatever we're doing, make it as… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The thing that [the Senate and the House] don't realize is that everyone wants them to come from beyond that contradiction so… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Thomas Jefferson once said: 'Of course the people don't want war. But the people can be brought to the bidding of their… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
All in all it's a pretty great day for major league sports. At long last they've decided that gay people are fit… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Some people have criticized the United States and the United States military for guarding oil fields and not guarding the Iraqi National… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
That whole thing has been overstated by environmentalists. First of all, what is it, rocks and snow? C'mon, what is that, you… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The psychology degree is simply that I was a chemistry major, and they kept wanting the correct answer, whereas in psychology you… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Body hair. You know when you're swimming as a kid and you want to crawl on your dad? None of us went… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't want to die before my parents die, especially my mother. Because I think that's tragic. Because I don't want her… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Gay people can't be proud of the country and want to defend it too. What's the army afraid is going to happen… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You can have all the muskets you want! You can even have assault muskets!...Their (the NRA's) paranoid fear of a possible dystopic… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If you want, you can try and get a broader perspective, or you can find people who are absolutely out of their… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Whenever you take over something that is popular and has a fanatical following that loves it, you're never going to please everyone.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Songwriting is the way of perpetual want. Songwriters are the blessed/cursed people. You will never have a moment's peace in your life.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
![“The thing that [the Senate and the House] don't realize is that everyone wants them to come from beyond that contradiction so that we can all fix it. Nobody is saying, "We don't have a problem." Nobody is saying that, "9/11 didn't happen." What they're saying is, "We're not a fragile country…” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/aaf/jon-stewart-455_can-do_the-thing-that-the-senate-and-the-house_2683994.jpg)
![“The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that [John] McCain and I were having, which was two people talking over each other and nobody really addressing the underlying issues of what kind of country do we want…” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/5c0/jon-stewart-455_barack_the-conversation-that-the-senate-and-the_3000209.jpg)
![“Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from last year, uh, even if they do like chocolate, they don't want it from their son.” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/128/jon-stewart-455_boys_don-t-confuse-father-s-day-with-valentin_3112645.jpg)
