While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
There's always anxiety when you start a new job, you're the one guy who doesn't know where the ketchup is. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters and these policemen and people… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The (Supreme Court) ruling that anyone who's arrested -- even accidentally -- can be strip-searched was decided five to four, with the… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since...… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The election moment is merely the American public saying, "We'd rather you be President than that guy." That's it. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You guys (Boko Haram) are trying so hard to convince everybody that you're such badasses. But all you've done with this kidnapping… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Remember that guy who got gored by a bull and the bull pulled his underwear off and he had to run around… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I'm also interviewing a guy who's just written a book about his experience living in Iraq, faced with the type of violence… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
