I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, "Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
We look at, the absurdity of the system provides us the most material. And that is best served by sort of the… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Even if the flag burning amendment does become law, the larger problem will remain of how to respectfully dispose of older, tattered… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Here's the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
As our larynxes descended, we were able to make sounds with our mouths in new and far more expressive ways. Verbal language… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I'm less upset with politicians than the media. I feel like politicians, there is a certain, inherent - you know, the way… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think that's why they're so really - here's the disconnect. It's sort of this odd and I've always had this problem… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Scores of Iraqi exiles met in London to discuss ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein in a grand gathering dubbed the 'Iraqi Military… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
In what is perhaps the strangest turn in the President's efforts to rally support, he agreed that Iraq is just like Vietnam,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
[The conversation with John McCain] is not about being a pacifist or- suggesting that you can never have a military solution to… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Condoleezza Rice was confirmed by a vote of 85, 13, despite a contentious but futile protest vote by democrats. By the way,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I'm not trying to be modest of self-deprecating or in any way trying to do that. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I feel like the only thing that I can do, and I've been fired from enough jobs, that I'm pretty confident in… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If I could be really competent, that goes such a long way toward things, because the majority of things are not competent.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I focus on the task and try and do it as best we can. And we're constantly evolving it, because it's my… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
After a long investigation the SEC has fined Halliburton $7.5 million for issuing fraudulent statements exaggerating their profits in 1998 and 1999… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
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