Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, "Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The country of Mexico has just gotten its first Taco Bell. You're Welcome. Finally, Mexicans will have access to... Mexican food. Bon… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I can't rationalize the brilliance and knowledge that you have about the intricacies of the market with the crazy bullshit I see… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success". — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You think that sense of humor goes as far as our ideology. I think that ultimately, we have we have very interesting… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I feel like the only thing that I can do, and I've been fired from enough jobs, that I'm pretty confident in… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If I could be really competent, that goes such a long way toward things, because the majority of things are not competent.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
[If President Bush is right about democracy in Iraq] I may, and I don't know if I can physically do this, implode. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Why do I have to follow CNN on Twitter? If I want to follow CNN, I can follow them on CNN. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Gay people can't be proud of the country and want to defend it too. What's the army afraid is going to happen… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
When in doubt, I can stare blankly. The rubber face. There's only so many ways you can stare incredulously at the camera… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
My life was typical. I played a little Little League baseball. I never wanted for food. I always had shoes. I had… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
![“[If President Bush is right about democracy in Iraq] I may, and I don't know if I can physically do this, implode.” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/7b5/jon-stewart-455_democracy_if-president-bush-is-right-about-democra_2094054.jpg)
![“Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from last year, uh, even if they do like chocolate, they don't want it from their son.” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/128/jon-stewart-455_boys_don-t-confuse-father-s-day-with-valentin_3112645.jpg)
