Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, I've always wanted to be a young Charles Kuralt. I started in this business with just a Winnebago and a… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you know what writing a book is? It's sitting alone in a room for weeks without making contact with another human.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
There's always anxiety when you start a new job, you're the one guy who doesn't know where the ketchup is. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F-- you. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, "fair and balanced? Why, that's snide!" Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I know that my job is to perform, it wouldn't be a very interesting show if I just came out one day… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
No health care for poor kids? You know, I thought something like that was only done by cartoon villains. You're (Pres. Bush)… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
(Terrorists) are planning to disrupt our democratic process. It's scary I know, but we're not going to let al Qaeda tell us… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Yes! We finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the public by… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Fire up your heart for the wind is getting cold, now it always gets cold for the riders of the night. When… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
We look at, the absurdity of the system provides us the most material. And that is best served by sort of the… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Everybody thought Barack Obama was going to [inspire people] when he came to Washington, but, you know, the Senate seems like the… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The goals for me have changed somewhat. There's a bit of seduction to the idea of being on network, but it got… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The view... from my apartment... was the World Trade Center... and now it's gone, they attacked it. This symbol of American ingenuity,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think that's why they're so really - here's the disconnect. It's sort of this odd and I've always had this problem… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I'm a bit down. Liza Minelli and David Gest, I don't know how it didn't work out. How can a man who… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
One of the things that I do think government counts on is that people are busy. And it's very difficult to mobilize… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The government is just you know, blowing the doors off the media. And not everywhere, and I think, this is where you… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Comedy is the only form of entertainment where the audience doesn't know what to expect. In an evening, you might get ten… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
How do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? The honest answer is… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Body hair. You know when you're swimming as a kid and you want to crawl on your dad? None of us went… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
It's harder to eat meat when you know the animal's name...I have found. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
We all know what happens to celebrities when their time is up - rehab and then a stint on VH1. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The American people, or at least the ones that I get on the subway with - they know there's a real threat… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If Obama's a tyrant, then he's pretty lame for a tyrant. How many tyrants do you know that really suffer because they… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
[If President Bush is right about democracy in Iraq] I may, and I don't know if I can physically do this, implode. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
By working to get away from your circumstance you can make something better of yourself, but there’s no guarantee... But you know… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
[CNN, USA Today] they've got 24 hours to fill. You know, how many times can Anna Nicole Smith's baby get a new father? — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
High school. You know, people say, 'I'll never do so-and-so again' - then they do it. So what? Sometimes somebody has crack,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since...… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
![“Everybody thought Barack Obama was going to [inspire people] when he came to Washington, but, you know, the Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/5ff/jon-stewart-455_barack_everybody-thought-barack-obama-was-going_738803.jpg)
![“I think that's why they're so really - here's the disconnect. It's sort of this odd and I've always had this problem with the rationality of it. That the President [George W.Bush] says, "We are in the fight for a way of life. This is the greatest battle of our generation, and of the generations to…” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/5dd/jon-stewart-455_baghdad_i-think-that-s-why-they-re-so-really-her_1190718.jpg)
![“It's nice to know that [God] can destroy us in a myriad of ways.” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/12d/jon-stewart-455_god_it-s-nice-to-know-that-god-can-destroy-u_2722806.jpg)
![“[If President Bush is right about democracy in Iraq] I may, and I don't know if I can physically do this, implode.” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/7b5/jon-stewart-455_democracy_if-president-bush-is-right-about-democra_2094054.jpg)
![“[CNN, USA Today] they've got 24 hours to fill. You know, how many times can Anna Nicole Smith's baby get a new father?” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/639/jon-stewart-455_anna_cnn-usa-today-they-ve-got-24-hours-to-fi_2516478.jpg)
