“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.” — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them and is supposed to be funny, what… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it's their product… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
God has a sense of humor though and he must see funny things in us. He must also have some love. We're… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I don't see much comedy in the Bible, where people are writing about funny people. It's not there. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn't identify the formation. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
My father walked to school 4 o'clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Guys standing around and talking about Spanish fly: 'You know anything about Spanish fly?' 'No, tell me about it.' Well there's this girl Crazy… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
God has a sense of humor though and he must see funny things in us. He must also have some love. We're still here… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
