I've said all along I've never competed with 'The Simpsons.' Not in my own mind. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The beautiful thing about older people is their ability to cut the fat off of conversation. When they talk, they don't go… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
My father wanted me to play pro football, and he didn't like the fact that I'd left school. And he said, "It… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
My latest blood test said my cholesterol was very high and my doctor recommended some medicine for it. I said "no" to… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
When my son was murdered, people asked me how I felt about God and what had happened to my son. I said,… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Racial humor was about 35% of my act when I first started. But I realized that it was a crutch. What brought… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
God has a sense of humor though and he must see funny things in us. He must also have some love. We're… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
It doesn't make any difference how much money a father earns, his name is always Dad-Can-I… Like all other children, my five… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Anecdote: In a controversial way, Comedian and actor Bill Cosby sought to teach his son the pain of being lied to. Convinced… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
My grandpa didn't believe in hugging and kissing, or saying I love you. His love had to do with the way he… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Tons of comedians have said, 'I grew up learning from Bill Cosby. He's great.' But that respect doesn't mean much to the… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Some authority on parenting once said, Hold them very close and then let them go. This is the hardest truth for a… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Karl Malden was a good friend of mine, and he said, 'You draw the people to you,' and I guess that's what… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Guys standing around and talking about Spanish fly: 'You know anything about Spanish fly?' 'No, tell me about it.' Well there's this girl Crazy… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
God has a sense of humor though and he must see funny things in us. He must also have some love. We're still here… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
