You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I love cake. I love pie. I love potato chips. I love salt. I do not want yogurt, plain yogurt. It's healthy.… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
My mother was an authority on pig sties. This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen in my life, and… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be appreciated,… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I'm not the healthiest, but I am healthy. I'm healthy to the point where there are things that I have to eat… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I'm one of those who cut off seeing people after a certain time, when the weight is gone and they sound like… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
My feeling is, personally, I want to die first... because I believe that when you die, your soul goes immediately up for… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Public education is a good foundation on which to build a better life for each of us. And if we want to… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I want to get violence - I want schools to start from K through 12 to just every day have teachers understand… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Not many jobs are available for single women who just want to have babies. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
But if that's what you want to be, that's what you will be - as long as you study. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
What we need is for people to realize - 'I want to raise my kid. I want to go back and get… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I use the exercise room early, because I don't want to get on the treadmill and everyone's going 'Oh, Bill Cosby,' and… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The game of chess. Supposedly men made it up, and it's about war and men and the ravages and the bravery and… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
What kept me out of trouble is going right to the edge and then... thinking that my mother would be embarrassed, and… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Guys standing around and talking about Spanish fly: 'You know anything about Spanish fly?' 'No, tell me about it.' Well there's this girl Crazy… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
God has a sense of humor though and he must see funny things in us. He must also have some love. We're still here… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
