Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn't identify the formation. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
My father walked to school 4 o'clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
George Booth and I are both funny, and from afar, without meeting, admired each other's work. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Guys standing around and talking about Spanish fly: 'You know anything about Spanish fly?' 'No, tell me about it.' Well there's this girl Crazy… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
God has a sense of humor though and he must see funny things in us. He must also have some love. We're still here… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
