Jokes Quote by Stephen Colbert Download Open image “Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.” — Stephen Colbert ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 2.8 out of 5 (9 ratings) Copy quoteShare Jokes Knock knock
“Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “9/11.” “I shouldn’t even.” “No, come on.” “9/11 who?” “You swore you’d never forget.” — Violet LeVoit Copy Share Image
I hear you knock knock knock baby come on up. I hope you got got got something in yo cup — Mike Posner Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Our world will not die as a result of the bomb, as the papers say, it will die of laughter, of banality, of making a joke… — Carlos Ruiz Zafon Copy Share Image
There is plenty of time for Republicans to have a Macaca moment. But right now, as of October 17, 2014, the Republican Senate candidates… — Matthew Continetti Copy Share Image
I would have done well as a gypsy child, I think. A circus baby. I coulda played a great street urchin or ragamuffin. Or… — Natasha Lyonne Copy Share Image
“A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farmhouse and asked the farmer… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was interested in all kinds of things, whether it be Avatar, Mad Men, Troy, 300, Battlestar Gallactica, or the poems of Horace and… — Daniel Mendelsohn Copy Share Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
Worship isn't destructive, Martin. I know that. I don't. I only know it's the core of his life. What else has he got? He… — Peter Shaffer Copy Share Image
I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every night or… — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
