I welcome opposing viewpoints, but I should warn you that you'll be facing off against the 2nd-place finisher at the 1981 Charleston… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!? — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, "I command you to do this."… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
You may learn sooner than most generations the hard lesson that you must always make the path for yourself...There is no secret… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We [comics] create our own reality on the show. I'm in a cocoon of the character's creation. Even within that reality, he's… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
And we didn't have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn't show up,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor. You have to be able to… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
With Late Night Show I can begin the search for the real Stephen Colbert.I just hope I don't find him on Ashley… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I gut check my show. I say, I say, "Gut, gut, does that feel true to you?" And Gut says, "Yes it… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
And when those bombs went off, there were runners who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
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