“After Jesus showed up, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up. Of course,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“That's what's great about America: that our freedom of religion allows me to interpret the Bible exactly how it fits my worldview… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Baptists: I'm a pious guy, but even I have my limits. I draw the line right around spending 8 hours in church… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Religion forces every individual to take responsibility. Specifically, take it away from yourself and give it to God. If we had to… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Leaving religious texts open too interpretation is the downfall of religion itself. If it is truly the word of God then there… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“But here's the biggest head-scratcher of all: Not only are atheists destroying our country, they're completely deluding themselves. There's simply no way… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“The Crusaders lead to the Knights Templar; the Knights Templar lead to the Masons; and the Masons lead to the Shriners, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Any religion whose messiah’s name isn’t recognized by Microsoft Word can’t be that much of a threat. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Atheism: the religion devoted to the worship of one's own smug sense of superiority. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We have this idea in our minds that there's this separation of church and state in America, which I think is a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“All weather is sin-related. Lust causes thunder, anger causes fog, and you don't want to know what causes dew.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
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