World Quotes by Stephen Colbert

17 World quotes by Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert delivers 17 sharp, humorous takes on the world, each laced with his trademark satire. This short set works as a quick laugh‑and‑think session for readers who enjoy a clever spin on everyday reality.

Rate this collection: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.

Stephen Colbert

Image

Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.

Stephen Colbert

Image

You can change the world. Please don't do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now.

Stephen Colbert

Image

Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate…

Stephen Colbert

Image

Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.

Stephen Colbert

Image

I love the earth. If you ask me it's the greatest planet in the world.

Stephen Colbert

Image

Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are…

Stephen Colbert

Image

North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention…

Stephen Colbert

Image

No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a…

Stephen Colbert

Image

Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed…

Stephen Colbert

Image

Used books are the sluts of the literary world. Passed around from person to person, spreading their pages for anyone, getting cheaper…

Stephen Colbert

Image

Life is chaotic and unpredictable. If a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, it could cause people at…

Stephen Colbert

Image

Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army…

Stephen Colbert

Image

Thankfully dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses. So…

Stephen Colbert

Image

I stand by this man (President George W. Bush). I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for…

Stephen Colbert

Image

There is a residual sense for me, having grown up in the early '70s, that I did not know I had, which…

Stephen Colbert

Image

Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are…

Stephen Colbert

Image

Other authors on World

More by Stephen Colbert

Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.

Stephen Colbert

Image

Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a…

Stephen Colbert

Image

We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and…

Stephen Colbert

Image

I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.

Stephen Colbert

Image

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe.

Stephen Colbert

Image

It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.

Stephen Colbert

Image

Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.

Stephen Colbert

Image

Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.

Stephen Colbert

Image

I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.…

Stephen Colbert

Image

I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd…

Stephen Colbert

Image

“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.”

Stephen Colbert

Image

Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for…

Stephen Colbert

Image