I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I'd forgotten what an honest sandwich it is. For those of you not familiar, 'BLT' stands for 'bacon, lettuce, and tomato.' A… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Last night, we did the Threatdown -- God, it's hard to even talk about this -- and for the first time, I… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Donald Trump is a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I'm fascinated that people drawn to cults want to know what to do. And people want to know what to think. And… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
You can't swallow and think about your tongue. If you think about your tongue, you've got a giant piece of meat in… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
You've gotta understand what Putin's strategy is. He really doesn't like democracy. He thinks it's an inconvenient, messy process. And he doesn't… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
President Bush has embarked on an eight-day tour of the continent. He hopes this one goes better than the other ones he's… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
They think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor. You have to be able to… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I have no interest in behaving or thinking cynically. But it's an easy trap to be cynical about anything, certainly when you're… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We are divided between those who think with their heads and those who know with their heart. Consider Harriet Miers. If you… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
