Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Some people perceive me as an assassin or at least someone who can slip under your guard with a knife. But if… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
This is a crucial time in the fight for corporate civil rights. Just look at the hateful signs at Occupy Wallstreet: 'Corporations… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I'd forgotten what an honest sandwich it is. For those of you not familiar, 'BLT' stands for 'bacon, lettuce, and tomato.' A… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Let freedom ka-ching...Corporations do everything people do except breathe, die and go to jail for dumping 1.3 million pounds of PCBs in… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?" - Stephen… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I'm fascinated that people drawn to cults want to know what to do. And people want to know what to think. And… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Hatemongers like Media Matters take innocent statements like mine, Rush Limbaugh's, John Gibson's, and Bill O'Reilly's and make them offensive by posting… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
The entire future of marriage rests with Justice Anthony Kennedy, the man who declared in Citizens United that corporations are people with… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Facebook stock continues to plummet. People started selling once they found out their mom bought it too. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
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