The interesting thing about fake news and fake media is that it's a heresy against reality. Again, as a Catholic, I was… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I'm proud of my ability to understand what somebody else is trying to do and help them achieve it, because part of… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
If poor people want food stamps, they should become massive corporations. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty. People love the president because he's certain of his choices as a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Class is a way of looking at society that divides people into different categories based on how much money they're willing to… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Life is chaotic and unpredictable. If a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, it could cause people at… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We are the shadow cast by real people. And that shadow changes shape as the news cycle changes shape, so you always… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
People would say, "Oh, you say you just do jokes." I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
There was sort of a negative association with the military. Maybe growing up in the South or being in a family with… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I not only loved studying theater, I loved being a theater major. It gave me an excuse to brood, to grow a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
And when those bombs went off, there were runners who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
