I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We're not talking about truth, we're talking about something that seems like truth - the truth we want to exist. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I love being onstage. I love the relationship with the audience. I love the letting go, the sense of discovery, the improvising. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English? — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Love means never having to say you're sorry. That's why I never apologize to my mirror. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
