Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We have this idea in our minds that there's this separation of church and state in America, which I think is a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Throughout human history, countries rise and fall. But not America-we continue to rise and rise, like dough, until Jesus bakes us in… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
America cannot afford a rally to restore sanity in the middle of a recession. Did you even consider how many panic-related jobs… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
You see, we're America the Beautiful, not "America Well At Least She Has A Great Personality". — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I’m the frosting on America’s cake, and tonight I’m willing to let you lick the bowl. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I stand by this man (President George W. Bush). I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
President Bush has embarked on an eight-day tour of the continent. He hopes this one goes better than the other ones he's… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family! — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We have this idea in our minds that there's this separation of church and state in America, which I think is a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We have this idea in our mind that there's a separation of church and state in America, which I think is a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
There is a residual sense for me, having grown up in the early '70s, that I did not know I had, which… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
![“President Bush has embarked on an eight-day tour of the continent. He hopes this one goes better than the other ones he's made recently. Obviously he's not doing that well in North America [on screen: '36% Approval'], his South American trip had a few bumps [on screen: 'Angry mobs of…” quote by Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/930/stephen-colbert-503_america_president-bush-has-embarked-on-an-eight_1657896.jpg)
