Jokes Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

10 Jokes quotes by Jim Gaffigan

Gaffigan’s jokes often orbit the kitchen table, turning meals into punchlines. This short set offers a quick glimpse of his signature deadpan delivery and love of the mundane.

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I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.

Jim Gaffigan

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I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.

Jim Gaffigan

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I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the…

Jim Gaffigan

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For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something's catching on in our culture, a lot of it is…

Jim Gaffigan

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For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes…

Jim Gaffigan

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I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back…

Jim Gaffigan

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I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I…

Jim Gaffigan

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I like bowling. It's just one of those things where I can do so many jokes about it because I do know…

Jim Gaffigan

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Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and…

Jim Gaffigan

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Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would…

Jim Gaffigan

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More by Jim Gaffigan

“Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.”

Jim Gaffigan

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Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work…

Jim Gaffigan

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I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing…

Jim Gaffigan

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Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.

Jim Gaffigan

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“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,…

Jim Gaffigan

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I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll…

Jim Gaffigan

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Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,…

Jim Gaffigan

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Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

Jim Gaffigan

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I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm…

Jim Gaffigan

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“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday…

Jim Gaffigan

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Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

Jim Gaffigan

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I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

Jim Gaffigan

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