I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something's catching on in our culture, a lot of it is… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I like bowling. It's just one of those things where I can do so many jokes about it because I do know… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
![“I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.” quote by Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/cf2/jim-gaffigan-580_curse_i-curse-in-everyday-life-but-usually-whe_1432056.jpg)
