A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter's evening, and I know… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When grown-up persons indulge in practical jokes, the fact gauges them. They have lived narrow, obscure, and ignorant lives, and at full… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
