“The police seemed to think I killed her, which is crazy, because I loved her like a thousand drops of blood dripping… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be placed in an empty circular room, so that when you tell a dunce to go stand in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My TV’s remote control didn’t have a source of energy, so I poured coffee in it. Now I can read any book… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“I stole her perfume out of her car, and in its place I left a loud fart.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Then he cocked his head to the side, arched his left eyebrow like a drawbridge, and said, “I am you in the… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“Of all the smiths from goldsmiths to John Smiths, the most powerful is the wordsmith, because he can influence your emotions and… — Jarod Kintz John smith Copy Share Image
“I’ve lost many things, and many people, but thankfully I haven’t lost my life, or any of my clones.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I have three step brothers and one step sister. It’s like a staircase, and I am the slinky.” — Jarod Kintz Sister Copy Share Image
“My sword can cut through butter like water. Likewise, my tongue can cut through the logic of love.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A car is a couch with wheels. My windshield wipers don’t work, so I’ve decided to stop watering my living room carpet.… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to aid a sinner’s nightly prayer. I’m not shaking because I’m cold—I’m trembling with trepidation over the… — Jarod Kintz Prayer Copy Share Image
“I like my job, because while I’m at work I get paid to look for other jobs. ” — Jarod Kintz Career Copy Share Image
“If I could die saving two lives, I would, provided each of those two people were the kind of people who would… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I often wonder about lifetime warranties. The lifetime of whom or what? A fly that can live to be a month old,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used in a secretive manner. What? I can’t just tell you how it could be used. What part… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be put on the end of a scale, to determine if the other end of the scale holds a… — Jarod Kintz Truth Copy Share Image
“I may have written this before, but I may not have written it as well, so I’ll write it again.” — Jarod Kintz Writing Copy Share Image
“I skimmed the pond scum with a spoon like broth in a soup bowl. Why does everything have to remind me of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m behind you 100%. In fact, I’m so completely behind you that you can’t even see me back there.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One great thinker said one thing, another said another, and while the two thoughts are contradicting, the one that backs my argument… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is love a gift from heaven? If it is, it’s often wrapped in disinterest and rejection.” — Jarod Kintz Heartbreak Copy Share Image
“It’s good if you think bad thoughts, because at least you’re thinking. That’s more than most people do.” — Jarod Kintz Bad thoughts Copy Share Image
“I’m trying to cover all my bases so I can be a complete baseball nonplayer. I’ve already not bought a bat, a… — Jarod Kintz Baseball Copy Share Image
“A brick is a baton, as it passes from a civilization in ruin to one on the rise. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to fill a jar with a lot of clapping, and sell my applause next to the applesauce in a grocery… — Jarod Kintz Grocery store Copy Share Image
“Only men who have crouched in the trenches under heavy machine gun fire, and then rose as one to charge the perceived… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“Thor’s the kind of guy who has a closet full of tailored suits and colorful ties, yet never leaves the house and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you tell me I look familiar but you just can’t place it, I’ll tell you that with two ears, two eyes,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There were only two of us left for dinner, and that’s when I realized what I was: leftovers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Being out in the sunlight brightens my mood, especially if that sunlight is reflected off the moon.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a shield, in a fight with a cold shower. I know, because I won that battle… — Jarod Kintz War Copy Share Image
“Sitting down never feels so great as after standing for eight hours on someone’s testicles.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
