“Blankets could be used as tents. That would free up tents to be used as portable sex stalls. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a banana, and I keep it in my pocket on cold days to warm up my hand.” — Jarod Kintz Cold days Copy Share Image
“Don’t put the hat in hate and then wear it around with pride. Wear your love like socks for gloves, and let… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“We fell in love like the Fourth of July. But there was nothing red, white, and blue about it, because we fell… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used measure the volume of love in any given bathtub. But for the test to be accurate, I’m… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“When I look in the mirror, I see not only the person I am, but the person I could be. The person… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Michael Phelps collects huhs. Huh? His mouth said nothing, but his actions said it all.” — Jarod Kintz Michael Phelps Copy Share Image
“A root vegetable went missing. Maybe it will turnip in my next bad pun.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as one ingredient on the greedy Cake of Love. Other ingredients include: Everything. ” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Twitter: Up to the minute details that are minute. I’d like to update and reaffirm my love for you every sixty seconds.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Growing up, my bedroom was like a garage, only much smaller and with more lawnmowers in it (we had to store them… — Jarod Kintz Dining room Copy Share Image
“Without an apostrophe, she’ll is just a shell. And I am the turtle inside.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm the oldest of twelve brothers. However, the other eleven are yet to be born.” — Jarod Kintz Brotherhood Copy Share Image
“Orafoura once asked me how I became who I've become, and I replied, "I was born to become. And I became because… — Jarod Kintz Birth Copy Share Image
“I sure wish deodorant tasted like butter, because then I could keep mashed potatoes warm and tasty in my armpits all day… — Jarod Kintz Mashed potatoes Copy Share Image
“If it’s not one thing, it’s another. The other thing is, of course, two. That makes the one thing love, because two… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I love like a lawnmower in the desert. I love like a solar-powered lunar vehicle. I love like a wind-powered kite factory.… — Jarod Kintz Ice cube Copy Share Image
“A brick is a mode of transportation, for a bug going nowhere in life. ” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“If you’re looking for someone to stand in the unemployment line, I’m the man for the job. And if you’re looking for… — Jarod Kintz Looking for a man Copy Share Image
“Love is the most precious gift you could ever possibly hope to steal. Some women foolishly do not leave their rib cages… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A quiet kid is a good kid. But a quiet and invisible kid is an even better kid.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love smelled like cheese, as some people assume it does, then I'd rather be a goat and make love all day… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My dad always used to tell me __________________. My dad never told me anything. He had nothing to say, and even less… — Jarod Kintz Dad Copy Share Image
“I want to sit on the sofa, eating potato chips, while wearing one of those vibrating ab belts and getting a workout.” — Jarod Kintz Fitness Copy Share Image
“If Warren Buffet made chocolate, I’ll bet it’d be really rich. And corrupt.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“It’s very hard to whisper in your own ear. Love is an art, but as an artist, I guess I’m no Van… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I am the rainbow of love. Even if things get stormy, you know you can count on me. Call me Roy G.… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A tickle, an itch, and a scratch walk into a bar while I was in the corner drinking a thermos full of… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were in the oil business, and I sold icy roads for a living. You didn’t… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I taught a college course called “Of Course!: Helping the Oblivious Realize the Obvious.” Nobody showed up to class, probably because the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I steal cracker packets. I hoard them. Once my collection is large enough, I’ll take them to the flea market and try… — Jarod Kintz Investing Copy Share Image
“I know a man who used to be a millionaire before 2007. Now he’s poor and mopping floors. But I’m not laughing,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sure, I pee in the pool. But that’s only because I don’t have a sink big enough to swim in. I fear… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to decorate a house. And not just one brick, thousands could be stacked and affixed together and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best way to get America back to work, and reduce our deficit, is hire all the photographers in the country, position… — Jarod Kintz Gas prices Copy Share Image
“I always like to see people working. Makes me feel good because I’m not.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a problem meeting people because if I know what to say, I don’t know when to say it, and if… — Jarod Kintz Meeting people Copy Share Image
