“Greek 201 is always easier than Greek 101, because at first it’s all Greek to you, and later the material is still… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My ex girlfriend was exquisite, and my current one is quisite.” — Jarod Kintz Ex girlfriend Copy Share Image
“Somebody dialed the wrong number trying to reach me, but I didn’t pick up because I didn’t recognize the number, or the… — Jarod Kintz Wrong number Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself,… — Jarod Kintz Identity Copy Share Image
“Orafoura told me my writing is all nonsense. “Nonsense,” I replied. “Glad you agree, “ he said.” — Jarod Kintz Writing Copy Share Image
“I won’t be lulled by the lullaby, when what waits after is eternal sleep.” — Jarod Kintz Sleep Copy Share Image
“Love is like a cookie. Maybe I should have ordered crackers with my condom soup.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The closest my penis has come to my sexy coworker’s vagina, is piss splatters on the toilet seat at the office.” — Jarod Kintz Toilet seat Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called Kissing Kissinger. It won’t be about kissing, Kissinger, or even politics. It’ll be about radiator… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to fly interdimensionally. My penis is a wormhole. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When everything is working out for you, it means you are in the wrong gym.” — Jarod Kintz Gym Copy Share Image
“I’m like a praying mantis, except not so devout. And I make love like a monk in meditation, which can often be… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My wallet was empty after the charity auction. Of course, my wallet was empty before the auction too. I donated my time… — Jarod Kintz Generosity Copy Share Image
“After I had my computer about a month, I finally figured out how to turn it on. (Hint: hitting it in various… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“I want to create a root word where the root is “root.” Something like rootree.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Like the Grand Canyon, I care deeply. Hop on a donkey and you’ll see how deeply I love you!” — Jarod Kintz Grand canyon Copy Share Image
“I don’t have any money to speak of. And if I did, what’s there to say? They say money talks, but it… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to replace the brother you never had. Well, it’s only a possibility, but you probably won’t like… — Jarod Kintz Brotherhood Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were trying to understand the nature of nature, and I was trying to understand understanding.… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“I’m glad I don’t have any foreskin, because at a nude beach I’d feel overdressed. (It’d be the only time I could… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My clones will look like me, and therefore I’ll treat them like myself—starting with spending all their hard-earned money. You can’t love… — Jarod Kintz First love Copy Share Image
“I’m not getting fat and lazy. I’ve always been lazy. C’mon, I’m American!” — Jarod Kintz Getting Fat Copy Share Image
“I want to meet a woman named Sherry who only drinks brandy, and a woman named Brandy who only drinks sherry. Then… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s a naked woman on the phone for you,” Orafoura said. ”Have my clone get it,” I said. “I’m having a conversation with… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“Killing a bird is a murder most fowl. Trying to play doctor with a duck makes you a quack.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I come bearing gifts in the form of junk food. You’re welcome. I would have brought some drugs, but I’m not a… — Jarod Kintz Junk food Copy Share Image
“Randy Rowdy makes me rowdy. And randy. But Randy Randy gets me twice as horny and half as boisterous—but not for him—or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If somebody’s a jerk and says something nasty, be a bigger jerk and say something kind and walk away.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A monster’s not a monster to another monster. At least that’s what I thought when I saw my mother-in-law talking to a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He was just a kid. He didn’t care. He was like, “I’m getting in my mom’s van and I’m going home.” I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Kent Ornado marries Sarah Urricane. One won’t take the others last name; instead, they’ll merge their entire names together to come up… — Jarod Kintz Natural disaster Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to study the stars more thoroughly. I don’t know how exactly, because I’m not Stephen Hawking. Somebody… — Jarod Kintz Astronomy Copy Share Image
“If you want to see how fast I run, just give me a football helmet and notice how my helmet collects bug… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wear clothing made out of green screen material, because then I can go chameleon when I edit the photo. And chameleon… — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“I don’t have a tan because I only come out at night. The only sun I get is reflected off the moon.… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“After our date, I spent about an hour trying to get in her pants before finally giving up. Her pocket was just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She walked by and I said, Nice shirt. What I really meant was, Nice tits.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to attract a potential life partner. Yes indeed, and it’s how I met my ex wife. And… — Jarod Kintz Ex wife Copy Share Image
