“I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excited because while she said… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I love pan pizza. I love pans. I love Peter Pan. I love Peter, but not as much as I love Paul.… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to alert your guest when he’s overstayed his welcome. But what’s even more effective would be a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to stock vending machines. You may be out of a home, but I’ll never be out of bricks… — Jarod Kintz Investing Copy Share Image
“The Rockies are the backbone of this country. And I’m no doctor, but I think we have scoliosis.” — Jarod Kintz Medicine Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket need a logo, and I’m just the designer to hire to sit around idly as I ideally… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I saw two statues talking to each other. I didn’t hear what they were saying, perhaps because they were whispering.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Somebody tell Uncle Sam the ultimate stimulus package is a bottle of Viagra.” — Jarod Kintz Uncle sam Copy Share Image
“Sometimes my thoughts are too slimy for my brain, and they come shooting out of my penis. They are life-changing thoughts, so… — Jarod Kintz Philosophy of Mind Copy Share Image
“I saw her standing across the room, and I thought, “Wow! Who is that sexy woman she’s standing next to?” — Jarod Kintz Sexy Woman Copy Share Image
“They say there are 7 billion people on earth. I don't know what accountant came up with that number, but in my… — Jarod Kintz Friendship Copy Share Image
“The M.U.S.T.A.C.H.E. meeting is taking place right under my nose and I didn't even know because I'm working the booth at the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What can I say about love that’s never been said by me or anyone else? Well, sometimes love smells like my farts,… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The indignity of having to wear suntan lotion pales in comparison to getting skin cancer.” — Jarod Kintz Skin cancer Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be employed to keep the people standing in the unemployment line warm. Well, they could be, if the people weren’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and how come I’m suddenly thirsty?” — Jarod Kintz Water Copy Share Image
“When my grandma moved, she didn’t know anybody. But that was partly due to being in a new place, and partly from… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Critique my better work only, because I want to get better from my best, not better from my worst.” — Jarod Kintz Work Copy Share Image
“Both things have pros, and both have cons, but I think the pros and cons equal out leaving me unequal to the… — Jarod Kintz Pros and cons Copy Share Image
“The couch was green, so I felt comfortable wiping my boogers on it. I just wish it had been brown.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Ducks are practically defenseless, and as a result, they have many predators. There are foxes, coyotes, wolves, raccoons, bobcats, hawks, and Janet… — Jarod Kintz Duck Copy Share Image
“She grew broccoli, and I grew dentures. We were perfect for each other. Our love disappeared into each other like a box… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be placed in the center of a silver platter, surrounded by leafy green garnishes to compliment the red of… — Jarod Kintz Next time Copy Share Image
“My close friends are fond of telling me that I put the “yalt” in loyalty. Well, I don’t know if I’d go… — Jarod Kintz Close friends Copy Share Image
“My dad taught me everything I know about being a man, and most of what I know about being a woman. The… — Jarod Kintz Education Copy Share Image
“It has always been a fantasy of mine to drive a bulldozer. If I had a bulldozer, I could really build up… — Jarod Kintz Real estate Copy Share Image
“If my love could be represented by a blur, it would be the beating of a hummingbird’s wings. Did you know that… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If you have one dollar and I have a hundred dollars, I could say I have a hundred times the amount of… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“My photograph represents me as a person, but not as a personality. My personality is best represented by a Rorschach test.” — Jarod Kintz Photography Copy Share Image
“With networking, some people build bridges, some people burn bridges, and some people, like myself, use a boat to cross the river… — Jarod Kintz Animals Copy Share Image
“Every morning I cheer on my Cheerios, but I don’t really want them to win. Secretly I’m trying to drown them and… — Jarod Kintz Every morning Copy Share Image
“Standing in cat litter is not the same as walking on the beach. Trust me, you can’t pee on the beach.” — Jarod Kintz Walking on the beach Copy Share Image
“You can’t become a famous garage band if you never perform outside your garage. That’s why my band plays in my driveway.” — Jarod Kintz Music making Copy Share Image
“An empty room holds nothing but memories. At least it would, if I didn’t just finish packing up the last of the… — Jarod Kintz Memory Copy Share Image
“A brick could be pet, like a dog, and taught to shit in my neighbor's yard. ” — Jarod Kintz Dog Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help defeat all incumbent politicians whose last name starts with Brj and anything after that alphabetically.… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“The word "sex" has no sex. It is androgynous and probably asexual. And even though I have sex (my sex is male),… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Not only did I not join, but now I can’t quit. I’m a nonmember for life.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
