“Love can make people do crazy things. I once saw a man streak down Blanding Blvd. with only a banana peel stapled… — Jarod Kintz Crazy things Copy Share Image
“Make yourself interesting to history. Master some aspect of life, and then find a different area and do something crazy. Become a… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“In my laboratory, I use science to measure love. Whatever you do, don’t drink out of beaker number two.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be thrown, like a football, only instead of a wide receiver, I’d recommend sending out a politician to catch… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I used to be a bumper sticker kind of writer. Now I’m more developed, and my writing often takes up whole bumpers.… — Jarod Kintz Writing Copy Share Image
“I believe two gays have just as much right to marry as one guy has the right to commit suicide. I mean,… — Jarod Kintz Assisted suicide Copy Share Image
“Through the machine I want access to Agatha’s mind. What machine? The Orafoura Gigometer Dream Accesser 4000 (The Utopian version, not the… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“The internet's a great way to meet people. You never really know someone until you see their fake profile.” — Jarod Kintz Internet Copy Share Image
“After I speak, my words merge with the wind, and if you’re listening, your ears act like sails and carry the conversation.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I have a "Waiter, there's a hair in my soup" dance. It involves platform shoes, a mustache, and a hair net.” — Jarod Kintz Dance Copy Share Image
“Two days from now I invented a time travel machine out of my neighbor’s washing machine. I can’t go back yet, as… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“Pound-for-pound, I’m the best non-fighter in the world. I could kick Gandhi’s ass.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As the Hulk is green, I was bright red. I wasn’t embarrassed, but I was having a Niacin reaction.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t invite me to my birthday party until the day after it’s happened.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“He said that he said it—a second he, not a man named He. And not He-Man either.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My blanket is a year old. And amazingly, it still purrs just as loud today as it did when it was a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m going to change the world, and all for under $14.95. I’m not going to change the world much, but hey, what… — Jarod Kintz Change the world Copy Share Image
“I hired a counterfeiter the other day. I told him, “As for your salary, how much you make is really up to… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“Well excuse me! How was I supposed to know that a pink baseball cap with a dildo glued on top isn’t a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I let wine breathe. And I hold my breathe, so it can get all the air.” — Jarod Kintz Wine Copy Share Image
“I want to write a short story where the protagonist is a globe, and all the secondary, or “flat” characters, are all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A Cyclops on a unicycle juggling three giant eyeballs couldn’t compare to the balanced vision my writing presents. In fact, noted linguist… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“Miami Insurance Agency, or MIA, has been missing in action (MIA) since I first wrote about it fifteen words and two acronyms… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to dispel the very same lies that a blanket could be used to cover up. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I once had a professor who could condense an entire lecture into a can of frozen orange juice. Talk about hard to… — Jarod Kintz Orange juice Copy Share Image
“If I wouldn’t have looked under the hood, I’d have never noticed the problem. But as far as I know, the problem… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A great band name would be Tickling Whiskers. Especially if the lead singer is a cat. I’d love to audition for backup… — Jarod Kintz Leadership Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help you remember. You’re probably tempted to ask, “Remember what?” And that’s precisely my point—you can’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in place of a parachute, and a blanket could be used as a permanent wall of a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to put out a fire. Unless that fire is in your heart, and you simply refuse to… — Jarod Kintz Fire Copy Share Image
“If I met a man who had eleven sons, the first thing I’d ask is, Are they all yours? And of course… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be cast in Samuel Jackson roles. It would be cheaper and more dramatic. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only thing that can tame and temper love is love. Also syphilis. ” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“How much distance should there be between art and artist? I’d say no more than a lifetime.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“We were in love. When I say we, I don’t mean her and I. I mean me and my clone were in… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
