“I want to start a company called “We Do.” My tagline will be: We at We Do do what we do so… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to show people the benefits of sleeping with a parachute—especially if you’ve got a flying bed like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I said goodbye too early, and then stood there enjoying the awkwardness of her lingering presence.” — Jarod Kintz Too early Copy Share Image
“Her name is Denise, and she has green eyes and red hair. Well, this week. Last week her hair was dyed blonde,… — Jarod Kintz Green eyes Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to squiggle your signature with. And while you’re in the autographing mood, why don’t you sign your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to store valuable information that will keep future generations warm overnight. And just so you know, it… — Jarod Kintz Too much information Copy Share Image
“Like eggs, I’m scrambling to get ahead in this economic depression.” — Jarod Kintz Depression Copy Share Image
“His eyes were so blue, and his teeth so yellow, that the overall impression was that his face was green. And it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made love to a woman who didn’t exist, and I can’t remember how it didn’t feel. It amazes me how often… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If I give you more love, it will only give me more love to give. The more I give, the more I… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I went to a gun range and shot a man made out of paper. That paper man must have had a brother,… — Jarod Kintz Brotherhood Copy Share Image
“Write your goals down on a sheet of paper. That way you can easily flip the page over and ignore them.” — Jarod Kintz Goals Copy Share Image
“I was once in a battle trying to fight my way out when I realized it’s better to sneak out.” — Jarod Kintz War Copy Share Image
“The moonlight filtered through the trees like water from a strainer. Agatha’s hair was the color and consistency of wet noodles. I… — Jarod Kintz Open mouth Copy Share Image
“Guacamole makes an excellent facial cream. It won’t reduce wrinkles, but I’d sure enjoy scraping it off your skin while you sleep,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Apple is the Ferrari of the computer world. I’m not sure if the “engine” is superior, however, but the frame sure is… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“A brick could be divided into four equal pieces and split among three friends. I’ll take the two largest pieces, or half,… — Jarod Kintz Three friends Copy Share Image
“I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business as usual in Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“My job is so boring I’m thinking of boring a second hole into my penis.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Have you ever seen how fast ducks can waddle when chased? If I were to ever run a marathon, I'd model my… — Jarod Kintz Duck Copy Share Image
“I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Here’s what I’d love to see: A vending machine that dispenses cats for petting on your lunch break. Instead of money, the… — Jarod Kintz Cat Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used like trophies. And if we give them to everyone, just for participating, then collectively we could build a… — Jarod Kintz Big House Copy Share Image
“Your face influences your life, because it effects how people treat you. Sometimes you don’t have to be king to be treated… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“In high school, I was on the carpentry team, but I got benched. It was awkward sitting on it while my teammates… — Jarod Kintz Absurd Copy Share Image
“A brick could be analyzed in the lab, broken down into olfactory components, and repackaged as an air freshener that promises that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What more proof do you need to illustrate how America is the land of the free than the fact that the US… — Jarod Kintz Land of the free Copy Share Image
“The couch was wide enough for two, but I sat in it alone. Was I obese in body—or skinny in love?” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The internet is a knowledge omelet. Sometimes I just want the purity of scrambled eggs that only a book can provide.” — Jarod Kintz Internet Copy Share Image
“Nipples—men have them, but don’t need them. Men—women have them, but don’t need them. Women—I don’t have them, but I need them.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The neon orange orb sat low in the sky, slowly breaking free of the horizon like the waking memory of a dream.… — Jarod Kintz Bubble bath Copy Share Image
“An award would be more prestigious if it came with a supplemental income for a year, so you could focus on repeating… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“BearPaw Duck Farm tours are no longer at 4:00. Tours are now at 3:60, like a circle, which gives us more time… — Jarod Kintz Duck Copy Share Image
“Death is the only equality guaranteed in life. A poor man will die just as surely as a rich man.” — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“I have the world’s third largest fourth place. I keep it in my empty trophy cabinet, next to all my love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Get a watermelon, draw a face on it, and talk to it before making love to it.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Love is the science of reducing your sound while upping the amplitude of another person.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
