“I just started working the graveyard shift at the cemetery. Come to think of it, every shift at the cemetery is the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mouth and then rinsing out with cold, refreshing reality. But… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to quell the rebellion. Wait until all the men are asleep before you kill them, rape them,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Doors open up for you when you work hard. Doors also open up for you when you walk with a limp and… — Jarod Kintz Work hard Copy Share Image
“In this economic recession, I have resorted to wearing my lucky underwear to job interviews. It gives me confidence, and it helps… — Jarod Kintz Economic recession Copy Share Image
“Data doesn’t matter. Only opinions and stories formed from the data matters and gets shared and absorbed.” — Jarod Kintz Data Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to create another way. There is no other way but to make another way. We simply must! ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Put the number seven in front of a mirror and what do you have? If you answered 77, then perhaps you talk… — Jarod Kintz Mathematics Copy Share Image
“If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I’ll bet there’d be a lot more people trying to take pictures of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Receiving trophies is all about getting recognized. Wearing big sunglasses and a fake mustache is about not being recognized. Why not wearable… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to suppress yawns. Just curl up in the technological wonder that is a blanket, lay your head… — Jarod Kintz Science Copy Share Image
“If anger were money, only a fool would greedily save it up. And a wise man would let it slip out of… — Jarod Kintz Anger Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to instill patience in a pupil. Not a pupil as in part of an iris, but a… — Jarod Kintz Every night Copy Share Image
“Trying to resist my love is like trying to hold back a tsunami with a surfboard. My advice is to take up… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’d rather have nobody to say anything to, than have nothing to say to anybody.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On Halloween I like to scare up business the old fashioned way: with flyers, business cards, and electroshock therapy while wearing spooky… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help define your rigid beliefs. I put my beliefs to bed, along with the hooker I… — Jarod Kintz Faith Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to crack the code of love. What is it, where do I find it, and how much… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The wisest thing my grandpa ever said to me before he died was "Stop!" Thinking back, I don't know if he was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This financial crisis in Europe would have left Greece in Ruins, but it’s been that way for 2,000 years.” — Jarod Kintz Financial crisis Copy Share Image
“Love is like a zebra refereeing a football game. I should know, because I am the rodeo cowboy riding that zebra.” — Jarod Kintz Ball game Copy Share Image
“There’s only one way to respond to, “How do you like your dinosaur burger cooked?” and that is: Rare.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I guess I should be thankful. Full of thank. But what is thank? I can't eat thank, so I know my stomach… — Jarod Kintz Gratitude Copy Share Image
“I’ve had a stressful day, and I need something stronger than beer. Somebody fetch me a bodybuilder. Check the cooler in the… — Jarod Kintz Stressful day Copy Share Image
“I may not be able to remember your name, but I remember your address and what time you leave in the mornings.… — Jarod Kintz Morning Copy Share Image
“I listen better with earplugs in, so I can see what your body is really saying.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I am an octopus on four wheels. What are my four free arms for? To better love you, of course.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a deodorant deterrent. Just ask any stinky Congressman.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll write the time on my wrist, and I’ll cover it up by wearing a watch.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“It’s hot as a watermelon in this cantaloupe called pineapple. And that’s a fact.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Tonight when she came down to the front desk she was wearing neon green hot pants and a pink leopard print jacket.… — Jarod Kintz Front desk Copy Share Image
