We just keep trying to beat every show with the funny stick until it's funny — Dan Povenmire Copy Share Image
The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs. — Maureen Johnson Copy Share Image
The inspiration for my Vines comes from thinking about funny and relatable experiences from my daily life. — Lele Pons Copy Share Image
While we wait for God to work for us, God is waiting to work through us. — Rick Warren Copy Share Image
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't need to know everything, I just need to know where to find it, when I need it — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
If only you saw what I could seeyou'd understand why I want you so desperately right now I'mlooking at you and I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He does have that weird mixture of born again Christian and stupid that some people mistake for courage and focus. — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
“Peas baffled me. I could not understand why grown-ups would take things that tasted so good when they were freshly-picked and raw,… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
Why do you feel safe under blankets? Its not like a murderer will come in thinking 'I'm gonna kill...ahh sh*t! He's under… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny, this thing about happiness. It's a commodity that was imported from America in the Fifties. I see myself simply as… — Francesca Annis Copy Share Image
Look, I'm not saying you're boring. I'm just saying I pay a lot more attention to you when you're naked. ooK? o_O — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“Just so you know,’ I explained, remembering my own earlier arrogance, ‘if you’ve ever owned a cat and therefore think you know… — Peter Allison Copy Share Image
As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, "You ask a lot of questions for someone who… — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers, Society of, The? — Keith Waterhouse Copy Share Image
I wish we can just send our homework to teachers so we dont get the lecture at class — Noorullah Habibzoi Copy Share Image
A priority is observed, not manufactured or assigned. Otherwise, it's necessarily not a priority. — Merlin Mann Copy Share Image
Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. — J. Paul Getty Copy Share Image
A sign of intelligence is to see the One in many and find the many in One. — Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Copy Share Image
Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who is so timid, he is even afraid to talk back to other people's wives — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Its funny how you can tell when someone likes someone else, but you cant tell when someone likes you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In Washington journalists can afford to live almost as well as people who work for a living. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Not all detectives are the same - some play bad cop, some are awkward, some are funny. — Juliette Lewis Copy Share Image
If there is no absolute by which to judge society, society is absolute. — Francis Schaeffer Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I'll never see it. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“When you exclude anything that is improbable, whatever is left, is not as hilarious.” — Oleg Medvedkov Copy Share Image
The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
He who makes great demands upon himself is naturally inclined to make great demands on others. — Andre Gide Copy Share Image
