Keith Waterhouse

“I felt mildly peculiar to be treasuring love letters for their grammar, but there was nothing else I could treasure them for.”

— Keith Waterhouse

Ninety-five percent of all statistics, including this one, are bogus.

— Keith Waterhouse

I turn over a new leaf every day. But the blots show through.

— Keith Waterhouse

The 50s face was angry, the 60s face was well-fed, the 70s face was foxy. Perhaps it was the right expression: there…

— Keith Waterhouse

Lying in bed, I abandoned the facts again and was back in Ambrosia.

— Keith Waterhouse

A consultation process is what some authority sets in motion preparatory to doing what it intended all along.

— Keith Waterhouse

Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where…

— Keith Waterhouse

Trying to keep up with current slang sucks.

— Keith Waterhouse

The longer an event is anticipated-a milestone birthday, an eclipse, a new millennium-the more likely it is to be an anti-climax.

— Keith Waterhouse

I cannot bring myself to vote for a woman who has been voice-trained to speak to me as though my dog has…

— Keith Waterhouse

Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers, Society of, The?

— Keith Waterhouse

Never look to politicians to solve your problems, they will only create new ones.

— Keith Waterhouse

Should not the Society of Indexers be know as Indexers, Society of, The?

— Keith Waterhouse